Today along with countless other days I'm sitting here thinking about how hard the past 3 months have been some of the hardest of my life. Watching a parent take their last breaths is hard enough, it's who is there after the fact.
Now, I have two friends I talk to on a regular basis. One who I've known about 16ish years and the other since our kids were in kindergarten together. One boy, one girl. These friends are friends that I thought would be there for me through thick and thin. Now I get it, death waits for no one. We can't figure out what everyone's schedules are to make sure everyone that needs to be there can be there. My boy bff, had previous engagements. I didn't hold that against him, instead I said "that's okay" and hurried and got off the phone so I could cry. The fact was, I was not okay. I was as far from okay as I could be. Now, rewind a few days and my girl friend called and told me I know I've been busy and everything and you know if I had money I would bring you food and blah blah blah but you also know that I don't do funerals.......so I won't be there. COOL.. who the fuck does like funerals? Who says "hey today is a fabulous day to go to a funeral!" no one says that FYI. The fact is, in my eyes yes funerals aren't fun but in a time when your BEST FRIEND needs you because their father just died YOU FUCKING SHOW UP! Funny thing is the day after my dad died or a few days after I can't really remember my husband and I went to a restaurant to have a few drinks. This friend calls and I invite her to come have a drink. "I can't I don't have any money" she ended up coming and we paid for her drink but seriously??? Not only am I in the biggest time of need but I also am still the caring friend that will pay for your drinks because you just broke up with your shit bag boyfriend.
While we are discussing friends, I've noticed a trend with the friends I have. I always give, give, give and somehow I never really receive anything. Don't get me wrong I give without the expectation of receiving anything but for instance Christmas time girl friend got a Stanley cup with Stitch etched into it. Quiet an expensive gift if some would say. Me however I simply asked for a bag of potting mix for my plants because I never seem to remember to buy any when I'm out at the store. A simple 13.00 bag of soil.........I'm still waiting on that Christmas gift. It's almost the end of February. ha.
It's true what Sabrina Carpenter says "my give a fucks are on vacation" because truly that's what it feels like these days. I don't have time or the patience to deal with people who claim to be my friends and truly just do not show up when the need is there.
To the one true friend who has always been there for me no matter what, who we can pick up right where we left off, who I've known since I was 4 years old. Who showed up for me the day my daddy died, the day of his funeral and after. I love you Monica!